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Idea

How do I deal with my girlfriend saying “I hate men” when I’m a man?

I’d say I’m a pretty feminist and progressive guy. I support women’s rights, women’s empowerment, menstrual leave at work, and I think men should learn way more about things like periods, sexual health, consent, and how their actions can affect women. I don’t see women as “less than” men at all. I think women and men are equally intelligent and equally valuable. Of course, there are physical differences because of biology, but that’s not the point. I also don’t want to get dragged into some “men vs women” argument. I’m not trying to defend toxic behavior from men, and I understand that a lot of women have had really bad experiences with men. But when my girlfriend says things like “I hate men,” it still hurts. I know she probably doesn’t mean me personally. Maybe she’s talking out of anger, frustration, or past experiences. But since I’m also a man, it’s hard not to feel like I’m included in that statement. I want to understand where she’s coming from, but I also don’t want to keep pretending it doesn’t bother me. How can I handle this without feeling personally attacked?

2 Answer
Toki

It's okay to voice that you, too, are hurt by 'I hate men' in conversations

I get how you feel and I empathize, but I’m a man too, and that word stings a little when I hear it, you know. I think the healthiest thing is to say that honestly, just once, clearly. 🙂 After that, ask her, 'Is it the structure of men you hate, or what specific experiences are painful?' If you do that, she’ll feel truly understood, and you can shift from being the 'enemy' to being a partner who fights this together with her. 🫶🏻